It was November 3rd 2022.

Fall my favorite season. My house is beautifully decorated with all your classic fall essentials. Pumpkins of impossible colors and sizes. Maple leaves, pumpkin apple Yankee candle. I’m sitting infront of the tablet I just bought with funds from the Yoga business I started with my husband. It’s doing really well. Thank you for asking, we have a contract to teach Yoga classes to prison inmates twice a week. My mom and husband are here. Im ovulating which is exciting because my husband and are trying for our first baby after 2 years of marital bliss. I could be pregnant.

My mom collared neck from a skull fracture, has already cried once. My husband as handsome as he is, is radiating with concern and determination to understand. My gyno comes on the computer screen. She says “Charlye” with a sigh. And I knew immediately. “I’m so sorry I have to tell you this News. The results of your biopsy revealed you have breast cancer. Its pretty aggressive.” She says. “I know you know don’t want to hear this but you should stop trying to conceive. Time is of the essence.”

And just that quickly my life was different. Just that quickly I went from trying to conceive to trying to get rid of an aggressive form of breast cancer. Triple Negative. The most deadly breast cancer of all. I’m not a future mom. I’m America’s newest cancer patient and addition to an all too familiar statistic. Black and/ or Hispanic under 40 most likely to get breast cancer in thier lifetime.

The irony of the whole thing is I’ve been a hypochondriac my whole life. As I child I wouldn’t ride a roller coaster if I couldn’t first read the warning signs, the dos and don’t. God forbid I die on a roller coaster. I always thought something bad would happen but I never actually believed it would. I assumed as long as I followed the rules everything would work out. As I was Meditating two weeks before I got the news, the day of the biopsy. I was reminded of my great grandmother Lula and my auntie Cilla both victims of the same statistic, both fought the battle of breast cancer and did not live to tell the tale.

Up until that point they were the only family members I knew of who also had breast cancer. We would always say in our family that the breast cancer though deadly, luckily skips a generation as if it’s somehow an intelligent force laying in wait for the right generation to strike. My auntie Cilla was in my mom’s generation. This Breast Cancer. Triple Negative. Was never on my radar. By my families logic the intelligent cancer shouldve skipped my generation having been in my moms, it should’ve skipped me. My hypochondriac mind could dream up a lot of things but this was extremely wild. I wanted to go back to being worried about dying on Rollercoasters.

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I woke up this morning alittle annoyed.  Thanksgiving is next week and there is planning and prepping to do. Not to mention the normal amount of stresses and anxieties that come along with being together with family on the holidays.

Naturally, I meditated on this and the feedback I got was, Only put my time and energy into the things I am responsible for, the things I can rightfully control and/or the things or people I am accountable to. And wouldn’t you know it I came out of meditation feeling SO MUCH LIGHTER. The list of things I attached my worries to got so much shorter.

So I am encouraging you as we go about the season before you react to anything or anyone (let’s be real sometimes people including family will fully try you for the holidays) take a moment to first, breathe. And then consider the above and if you’re not responsible for it, can’t control it or are not accountable to it, be ok with letting it go. Or letting that person be who they are without attaching your feelings to thier actions.

En Vogue said it best, “free your mind and the rest will follow.”

Enjoy being lighter for the holidays… even if only in spirit. 😉

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This is my Yoga Dojo.

It is not perfect and I am nowhere near perfect when I step into this room and onto the mat but it’s not about finding perfection it’s about meeting myself where I am in the moment and so I begin to breathe.

 I sense the initial resistance be it voluntary or involuntary as my muscles begin to lengthen and fight the tension and release they so desperately need.The resistance from my mind to give my body the space to relax in its own time and be present and so I continue to breathe.

 And then a curious thing happens as I go through the poses and little by little start to sense the way my body and mind responds, as I continue to breathe and create the space for these things to be exactly as they are I feel less resistance and instead I begin to feel the Calm.

 As I continue to twist and turn my body into these seemingly impossible shapes much like like life twists and turns us into impossible situations we have no idea how we got into let alone how we’re going to get out of them I am strangely able to find a comfortable place in the midst of all the chaos and instability as I sink into the support that is underneath me but also all around me.

 Finally, I close my eyes. I surrender. I trust that together with the universe we will find a way and so I breathe.

This is Yoga. 

The thing about meditating is nothing profound is supposed to happen every time. It’s just a place to come back to. Like home. And like home building it takes effort. You take time to fill it with things new and familiar so each time you come back you feel a little more comfortable there, you rest a little easier there.

But the thing is, if we never take the time to make it feel like home then each time we visit it will feel brand new. That’s the Tapas, the burning zeal in practice. Why we commit to showing up to the mat and taking a seat as often as we can whether we feel up to it or not, so we can build our home. A place we know that we can unload when we sit in a way that makes us feel alittle lighter when we leave. Like that burning urge to get home and relax after a long stressful day. We plop down on the couch and let out a big restorative sigh.

We sit to meditate not only to find something new but also to leave something behind. Some times we will find profound downloads that will feel like they are coming directly from the stars but mostly its the feeling, The sigh. The downloads are few and far between but the home you will make within yourself will last forever.

Spent the start of my NYE playing games with my family( I won most of them ), eating bad snacks, laughing, joking and drinking champagne.

As the night continued on my family went home leaving David & I to continue the celebration. He of course feel asleep before midnight ( we were both well aware that he would, but he put up a good fight at 34 years old,lol).

This leaving just me to ring in the New Year. As it got closer to midnight I did some picking up around the house ( less to do in the morning) and then I lit some candles for good luck, turned on my favorite classical music song “Clair de lune” and stepped into our backyard to watch the fireworks as the clock finally struck midnight.

It was a great display. I love the collective energy on NYE, everyone out celebrating w/ family & friends (safely of course) and all the intrigue, excitement and wonder that fills air as the fireworks boom and we anticipate what the new year will bring. Having Clair de lune playing in the background as the soundtrack to the fireworks and that great energy filling the air was the perfect way to welcome in the new year.

They say how spend NYE defines the rest of your year. Wishing everyone all the intrigue, excitement and wonder that 2021 can bring, may you discover things you never thought possible and may that discovery bring all the tools to help you live your best life!

#HappyNewYear2021

I wrote this poem some time ago. I’m sharing this now as with anything I write in the hopes that it might help someone through some thing .

There once was a girl who lived in a house

With glass walls so high that she couldn’t get out.

Everyday she’d see the world go by,

Watching and wanting gazing out with long sighs.

She’d run from wall to wall trying to break them down.

Banging and scratching cutting the silence with the sound.

Then one day she awoke and decided not to try.

She let go of the fight, ready to lay down and die.

But just then the strangest thing of all.

She put her hands out for stability and tumbled, the soft grass breaking her fall.

Then all at once it become abundantly clear.

There were never any glass walls, all that kept her there was her fears.

     How should I feel? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot these days. The short answer is, I don’t know.

      I know what I feel of course. But I don’t know how to feel about it. Or how to properly articulate it into words. Weird, because I’m a writer. Sad, because I’m a Yoga Teacher and our creed is to spread love and light to all those who seek it. To always know the right thing to say to diffuse any situation. But what if what I have to say isn’t nice or full of love and light. What if I’m mad, what if I’m angry?

     As both an African American woman and a professional yoga teacher I feel like (in real life and online) I am constantly straddling a fence. On one side there is the peace and the love and light that I’ve been taught to rest in, and to instead take the path of indifference or maybe an opposing attitude towards that which is disturbing you and on the other side there is the harsh reality that I can not look away from. So quite frankly, at this point I’m ready to tear the whole fence down. Because what I am realizing is that peace is an end result. It’s a byproduct. You don’t just arrive at peace or get it because you ask for it. You have to create the correct environment for it to grow and thrive in, you have to constantly check, re-calibrate and re evaluate the space to ensure the conditions remain so for peace to be found. It takes dedication, it takes severe uncomfortability. Sometimes it even takes going through hell to find it or to realize that you were even missing it in the first place.

     So maybe now isn’t the time for peace and calm or rather to push the idea of peace and calm. So I wont because i’m neither of those things right now anyway. There wont be any spiritual bypassing happening here. This isn’t something we can just meditate, “OM”, or pray away. We have to face this head on and call it exactly what is really is if we’re ever going to make it back to peace. 

Our country is broken, our people are broken. There is no need anymore to point fingers about who started it or who’s perpetuating it. There’s no need to continue to fight over who spilled the milk. All I  know for sure is the mess needs to be cleaned up.

     Racism. That ugly word looming over all our heads right now. Some of us are afraid to look up. But just because you never see it or rather refuse to see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. It doesn’t make it any less of a very real monster for most African Americans on a daily basis. In fact we ( African Americans) see it everywhere. I see it whenever I’m in a store shopping and I make a conscious effort to hold the stuff I’m going to buy at a clearly visible distance so I don’t get accused of trying to steal. On most occasions its just instinct because I know we are easy targets. On some occasions its because the store clerk has been eyeing me since I walked into the store…but that does not make the store clerk a racist…or does it?

      Do you know? I searched all the Yamas & Niyamas and every Yoga Sutra and I have yet to find a suitable one that prepares me for how to do deal with this. When people ask me what my thoughts are I all at once have everything to say and nothing at all because all I want is empathy, peace and respect for my people but my words and feelings are full of anger, hurt and maybe even a little hate. Because I sincerely do hate this. So unyogic. But I cant take the path of indifference anymore. The funny thing about staying silent, being indifference and spiritually bypassing is that your voice isn’t heard. Even YOU don’t get to hear it and so you lose it. And my voice, my words, they are my passion, my power, my weapon and my tool. It’s the only way I know how to advocate for the unheard.

     Using my words. Not what I was taught to say or think, or what is politically correct to say or think for fear of offending or more trivial for fear of losing partnerships and alliances, not what my religion tells me to believe or whatever my granddaddy said to me when I was eight.

No, I had to unlearn all of that in order to find these words in a way that I want to express them in support of the cause.

I think we could all do with a little unlearning right now. A bit of separation from our knee jerk reactions and our set opinions. An unlearning of our comfortability in the ignorance of what racism is and what it is not. Instead maybe at the very least take some time to listen to the people who are literally begging, protesting, burning things down and tearing things up in order to be heard, to be acknowledged. That’s it. How long are we going to continue to ignore this monster?

Until there are no more voices left to be heard?

I love this country. I have faith in my country. I know that we can overcome this. Its no secret that when the going gets tough we Americans, we get going.

Well America, this is a call to action. The going is tough right now. So ask yourselves, “Where are we going?”

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Welcome to the new year fellow yogi’s! Sad but true, its time to get back into the grind and start to set the tone for the beautiful year to be, 2020 ( speaking it into existence 😉) . I don’t know about you but my 2019 was a killer. A killer of old fears and self-limiting beliefs, a killer of bad habits that distract from my ultimate goals. A killer of what was and an opening to what might be. I’m also killing it in my professional career, getting new certifications and teaching things other than (Gasp!) yoga, which has been so challenging and so fun!

2019 was also a killer of my singledom as my boyfriend proposed during the holiday season. So goodbye to being a girlfriend and hello to being a future wife. What a difference a year makes! I never thought id ever be in a space in my life to catch anyone’s attention long enough to want to marry me but here we are. If you are regular reader of my blog then you may have read my post titled On love and relationships ( and if you haven’t, then please check it out!) so this sentiment should be no surprise to you. But here’s something that surprised me. With all the years I spent lamenting and confusion over love or sometimes the lack thereof, I had lead myself to believe that all those fears only came because  the foundation wasn’t solid or the guy was just a jerk and once I met the man that I was to marry all those fears would go away because I would be safe and secure in the comfort of my engagement ring.

The proposal was beautiful, after he asked me and put the ring on my finger I must have asked him 10 times to say it again. Ask me one more time to be your wife, because I just loved the sound of the words. And waited so long, Longer than I had realized to hear them.  I was so elated, I still am. But I couldn’t help but notice that sneaking feeling from deep down within as a new fear started to rise. My mom once told me that with every level you reach in life, there are new demons. Kinda like that old saying “more money, more problems”. Intellectually this make sense. It’s a whole lot harder to manage a million dollars than it is to manage a thousand. But individually I was super surprised at how little my mind let me enjoy the feeling of just being happy to reach a new level in the relationship with the man that I love before it started to generate new fears.

I mean, I’ve never been engaged before so this is entirely new territory which means its perfectly okay to be a little nervous as we navigate this new terrain (things id whisper to myself when the engagement anxiety would set it) but the mind or the ego rather, has a really funny way of trying to regain control of the narrative when it feels like it’s losing it.

 So I started to notice some of my old relationship fears being regurgitated in new ways to fit my engagement anxiety. I started to feel like an imposter. Like because I’ve always felt that I wasn’t worthy of a love this great so great that he’d want me to be his wife that I must’ve somehow tricked him into loving me by becoming this person that I’m not. This woman who is worthy of love. Because surely if he knew the real me, he would’ve never asked.

 And “oh no!”

what’s gonna happen when he realizes he’s made a mistake? He’ll definitely take this ring back and cancel the wedding and then he’ll met someone new, someone who is actually the person she portrays herself to be and in two months they’ll be happily married with two kids, a cute little boy and girl of course and a teacup yorkie (my favorite dog) that they got just for fun.  Yea, that sounds about right. That fits the story I’ve been telling myself since I was twelve.

And that my friends is an insight into a live thought spiral and let me tell you they are as exhausting as they are completely inaccurate. But that’s hard to know when it’s the only thing you listen to.

I thought that I had conquered this but hey, new year new challenges. I referred to my practice, to get out of my head I got heavy into asanas. Trying new more challenging and sometimes very uncomfortable poses, and really trying to navigate my way through the new poses to find my “sweet spot” within them, basically becoming a student again. And it all suddenly clicked. New poses, new challenges, new levels of uncomfortability, beginners mind,  use your breath. Maybe do a little less or challenge yourself a little more. Welcome the heat that brings about change. let whatever isn’t serving you go, come into the present moment, breath relax,  feel it and then let it rise and fall,  you got this.

Once again, yoga poses prove to be a perfect example of life. This is a just a new challenging pose for me right now. And as I say to my students, challenging postures can bring up a lot of things but as long as you are not unreasonably uncomfortable you got this. Stick with it, you are supported. Get out of your head and navigate the spaces.

I know we all have big plans, resolutions and goals for 2020 and I know deep in my heart that this will be your year but I want you to know with each new level comes new demons, new challenges, potential new fears and the resurgence of old ones in disguise. Also know that that’s all okay, and know that whatever the mind might throw at you as you progress through this year that you are supported so don’t be afraid to navigate the spaces. You’re just in a really challenging new pose. Welcome the heat, remember to breath. Feel it, whatever it is while knowing that it will rise and then it will fall. But most importantly remember that, you got this!!

I love sitting out in my backyard. I do it all the time and I still feel like it’s never enough. We have nice Sturdy relaxing lawn chairs a fire pit and in my opinion the best view of the Florida sun in the entire state. I sit out to meditate on quiet cool mornings. I sit to listen to the sounds of world as its happening around me, sometimes loud but always vibrant and sometimes on an especially hot day I’ll bring a cold glass of wine with me (yes, I imbibe) and sit to soak up the sun. Real make time for no time moments (see: Make time for no time blog post). On this particular day the sangria was perfectly chilled as I sat with my feet up on the lawn table once again called about by the glare of the sun through our sliding glass windows. Looking up at the sky, mesmerized by the bright blues and whites as thick sun rays poked through the clouds I thought, another perfect day.

     The clouds floated by in that way that lets you know just where they’re about to go next and anybody who knows the Florida sun knows that it’s all fun until it isn’t anymore.  My glass of wine and I were deeply relaxed into the heated sun rays when the clouds moved just so to reveal the sun in its full glory. Beautiful but literally deadly. I repositioned my chair and checked out my new view of the sky noticing that on its current path the next batch of clouds would free me from the beating down sun and put me back safely in cool calm shade. All I had to do was wait it out a little. And I thought isn’t life just like that? the only difference is when things get too hot handle in life we can’t see the cool calm freeing shade that’s waiting in the distance but that doesn’t mean it isn’t coming. That’s the great thing about nature if you pay close attention it will teach you all the rules of life. And seeing is believing. It’s hard to remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel when there is nothing but darkness all around. Its easier to accept what you can see right in front of you than to trust what isn’t.  I’ve been there many times. I’ve stayed until the hurt felt good, until it was easier to give in or give up than it was to keep pressing on until I could see the clearing.

     We don’t only get attached to people, places or things. Oh no, that would be too easy. We can get attached to feelings too and a place doesn’t have to be a building or a room it could be a circumstance or the state of a relationship. We can get so attached that we lose ourselves in them completely no matter how much it burns becoming numb to the pain.  Not knowing that cool and calm is on the way we identify with these things as if that is all there is. As if change isn’t the most constant thing to rely on in life. Nature teaches us that as well. Things always change. The day turns to night. Summer turns to winter. We’re young and then we’re old and so the cycle continues. It’s the law of the Gunas and the rule of the seen (the qualities of nature according to ancient yogic text) just as sure as you can see it with your two eyes it will most certainly change. And even though we may not always be able to see salvation ahead, just know that it is there. It is coming. All you have to do is wait it out a little and for me having that knowledge alone is enough to keep me going until I reach the cool calm shade.